Memo for Brazilian Portuguese speakers
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This is a memo for Brazilian speakers. If you don't speak Portuguese, you might not find this funny.
SUBJECT: GUIDELINES ON HOW TO USE THE LANGUAGE
It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our corporate Headquarters that offensive language is commonly used by our Portuguese-speaking staff. Such behavior, in addition to violating our policy, is highly unprofessional and offensive to both visitors and colleagues. In order to avoid such situations please note that all Staff is kindly requested to IMMEDIATELY adhere to the following rules:
1) Words like merda, caralho, foda-se, porra or puta que o pariu and other such expressions will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion.
2) You will not say cagada when someone makes a mistake, or grande merda if you see somebody either being reprimanded or making a mistake, or que grande cagada when a major mistake has been made. All forms derivate from the verb cagar are inappropriate in our environment.
3) No project manager, section head, or executive, under no circumstances, will be referred to as filho da puta, viado, o grande come merda, or vaca gorda da puta que o pariu.
4) Lack of determination will not be referred to as falta de colhões and neither will persons who lack initiative as pica mole ou bundão.
5) Unusual or creative ideas from your superiors are not to be referred to as punheta mental.
6) Do not say esse puto enche a porra do juízo if a person is persistent. When a task is heavy to achieve remember that you must not say é uma foda. In similar way, do not use esse gajo está fodido if a colleague is going through a difficult situation.
7) When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say vai à merda. Do not ever substitute "May help you" with que porra é que tu queres? When things get tough, an acceptable statement such as "we are going through a difficult time" should be used, rather than isto está tudo fodido.
8) No salary increase shall ever be referred to as aumento de merda.
9) Last but not least after reading this memo please do not say enfia no cu. Just keep it clean and dispose of it properly.
We hope you will keep these directions in mind.
Posted by lbastard on November 08, 2002
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